Tuesday, February 12, 2008

More Number 1 Reasons to <3 this week

As you can tell by the imperfections, this photo was taken by yours truly.

Is this week of love already nipping at your heels? Do you have increased anxiety coupled with a compulsion to just ride your bike until your body says “If you try and turn that damn pedal over again I swear to all things holy I am going to cramp, not just your normal cramps either buddy, remember that chin cramp that makes your tongue feel like it is glued to the bottom of your mouth while your eyes water and you sound like a dying Llama? Yah, well that is going to seem like a day at an all girl’s nudist summer camp if you push down on that lever again. . . “

Well that is my number one reason to heart this week. No matter what happens, at some point over the 36 hour span between midnight on Friday February 15th through noon on Sunday February 17th, I am going to smile, go fast, go slow, go really slow, feel like death, feel more alive than I ever have, be tired, feel exhausted, love my bike, hate my bike, cramp and I am going to feel all of this in the name of love, Stone Cold Sober Love. I love it when love is in the air.

What is Stone Cold Sober Love? It is the love you feel with no narcotic help whatsoever. Sure anyone can love anyone at 5:00 am when there are 400 beers, un-mentionable amounts of drugs and pizza involved but who really loves you when you are STONE COLD SOBER?

I love you Stone Cold Sober Monkey. I love you because you never get drunk and out of hand like Drunken Monkey. When I am deep down in a depression, you lift me up with your cold sober heart instead of making me lie in the depravity of Mr. Jack Daniels like DM. I often count the ways I love you but at a brazzilion and one, I have to stop and realize that I am compulsively in love with your cold steel that will never break because you don’t know what rust is!

Now if that isn’t a great reason to heart this week, you better stop reading MY BLOG, or read the next paragraph:

Yah that’s right, my other number one reason to heart this week is because I heart myself. Yah that’s right, this is my self-centered little teeny weeny piece of cyberspace that I dedicate to me. No more wishy washy I love you and you love me Barney crap. Now we will live under the Blood Hound gang motto:

“I don’t give a damn if you don’t like me because I don’t like you cus your not like me.”

One Fierce Beer Coaster

So with that theme in mind, I wonder what reasons we will conjure up tomorrow.

My disclaimer:

To all the Grandmas, Fathers, Mothers, Step Children, Anyone who has a heart, the posts for this week are just a manifestation of my eXtreme inner-workings and should not be condoned as the true nature of my person. If you cannot handle that fact and the fact that I have to prepare mentally (physically we already know I am not prepared) for my future event, you should not read any more of my highly entertaining hilarious posts that are bound to end up disregarded as Blogger trash deep down in the bits and bytes of the underworld that we call the WWW.

Peace, oops I MEAN WAR!!!!!

1 comment:

Jut Rut said...

good luck this weekend. damn you must like suffering more than i. i'll raise a pint in your honor on saturday while i'm all warm and cozy.